


Worst Case

by PrinceofBadassery



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Amputee Bucky Barnes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky not realizing Tony is Tony Stark, Getting Together, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Tony Stark, Insecurity, M/M, Misunderstandings, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prosthesis, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, ceo tony stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-12 11:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15338535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceofBadassery/pseuds/PrinceofBadassery
Summary: When Bucky applies for a program for a new type of prosthesis he doesn't have much hope of getting into it, but then a doctor who only introduced himself as Tony turns up and flips his world upside down. Not only does he end up with a new arm but also a crush that is hard to ignore as time goes on.For the ITAB prompt: imagine no powers au where tony is still a rich businessman and meets ptsd vet bucky when fitting his prosthetic. bucky doesn't realise tony is tony stark.





	1. Chapter 1

James (7:32 am)  
"Today's the appointment"  
"couldn't sleep"

Nat (7:33 am)  
"Don't punch them for trying to touch your shoulder, that's their job."

James (7:33 am)  
"That was ONE time."  
"And deserved."

Nat (7:43 am)  
"Good luck!"  
"<3"  
...

James (1:14 pm)  
"Fuck everything." 

Nat (1:14 pm)  
"?"

James (1:14 pm)  
"I'm not eligible for the program."  
"Trying hard not to cry, I'm on the bus."

Nat (1:15 pm)  
"Мне так жаль" (I'm sorry.)  
"What happened?"

James (1:17 pm)  
"They pocked and prodded me for two hours then said sorry"  
"too much nerve damage"  
"they can't do anything"  
"fucking shit"  
"brb"  
"having a panic attack"

Nat (1:18 pm)  
"Breath, James, breath."

Two days later...

James (9:05 am)  
"They just called...woke me up the damn bastards"  
"Want me to come in again"  
"*eye rolling smiley*"  
"guess they didn't fuck with me enough already"  
(9:06am)  
"wanna look at the freak with the nerve damage again"  
"fuck them..."

Nat (9:07 am)  
"James..."  
"What did they say?"

James (9:10 am)  
"They wanna repeat the tests."

Nat (9:11 am)  
"Doesn't sound bad. Maybe they think you're still eligible for a prosthesis?"

James (9:12 am)  
"..."  
"...fine."  
"I'll go."

Nat (9:12 am)  
"Good boy." 

\----  
The guy strode into the room like he owned the entire building.

"I'm personally offended by your nerve damage. Not by you, hot stuff, I could never be offended by someone with your face. Holy crap, do you have a weapon license for that glare, that look could kill someone."

The man didn't even bother to say hello. Bucky was immediately put off by his bluntness and flirtyness? and the guy didn't stop talking. He sat down on one of those stools with wheels and rolled around the room, picking up Bucky's file from the counter. He flipped through it, pulled a face, then dropped it with a look of disgust that made Bucky want to get up from examination chair and walk out the door. The nerve the man had, he could have just slapped him in the face, would have felt the same.

"You're the impossible patient, I hear. People've been talking about you, saying what a poor guy you are with that level of amputation and nerve damage." The man rolled up to Bucky's left side, clasping his hands together and grinning enthusiastically. "I wanted to see that for myself. I'm Tony by the way."

Bucky was too angry to say anything for a moment and he took a deep breath before trusting himself to speak. He sat up in the chair, ready to get up.

"I would like to go now, Dr. - " He looked at the guy's name tag on his lab coat." -Banner?" 

The man had the audacity to laugh.

"I'm not Dr. Banner, I just took his coat for today, we do that sometimes. Anyway, you're not allowed to leave until I get some results." 

"Listen, Dr. Whoeveryouare - "

"Tony." 

"I don't care." Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose. "If all you want is to humiliate me further by running more tests with no results then I have no reason to stay, the other doctor made it pretty clear yesterday that I'm a fucked up case and won't be getting a prosthesis. I can accept that, but I can't accept that you want to put me through these fucking tests again just for your own amusement. I'm not having another panic attack so you can have a good laugh with your colleagues later. I'm leaving now." 

Bucky got up, he was shaking and unsteady on his feet, but if he could just get out of this room he could hold onto the wall and make it out of the clinic if he recalled correctly there was an alley right next to it -.

He didn't get very far because Tony rolled in front of him with the stool and very effectively blocked his way. 

"Who said anything about having a laugh. When I said results I meant results we can work with. Results that will get you a new arm." Tony reached out and held onto Bucky's arm, steadying him. "Sit back down please, you look like you are about to have a breakdown."

"You're not wrong," Bucky mumbled, Tony's words slowly sank in and he sat back down on the chair. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself with a long exhale. "I don't understand. The nerve damage-" 

"The nerve damage is severe, that's true, but I'm here for the impossible cases and you fit the definition perfectly. Shoulder disarticulation, burn scars, shattered clavicle and scapula, not to mention the muscle damage and I'm guessing PTSD as well, Afghanistan?"

Bucky leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. "Iraq."

"You okay?" Tony's voice was suddenly quiet, concerned, a stark contrast to his in-your-face tone earlier.

"Okay enough." 

Bucky heard Tony rolling around, pulling something heavier towards them and making some noise, his best guess was that Tony was readying the machine the other doctor had already used to test the nerve reaction in his stump. He didn't know why Tony thought he was going to get a different result than two days ago, but he also had no idea how this machine worked in the first place.

"Why me?"

"Whaff?" Tony sounded like he had something in his mouth and Bucky cracked open an eye just to confirm that the man had a screwdriver between his teeth, he had both his hands in the wiring of the machine and was doing ...something to it.

"What the hell?" 

"Just a sec, almost got it. Should be able to get some more sensitivity out of this thing." Tony dropped the screwdriver from his mouth, caught it and stuck it into the machine in one smooth move. "Don't worry, I designed this thing. I know what I'm doing." Something inside the scanner made a whining noise and a mischievous grin spread over Tony's face. "Done, now strip." 

Tony loosely fitted the covering back onto the machine and turned to Bucky who was still speechless. 

"Strip, or do you want me to stick the electrodes on your shirt?"

"Why me?" Bucky repeated again. "Why go through all that effort for me?" 

"Because," Tony sorted through the cables of the electrodes, casually getting everything ready for testing, "when I get this technology to work with you, Mr. Impossible-Nerve-Damage, I can get this to work with everybody."

"You sound like you invented this thing yourself." 

Tony stalled minutely in his movements but soon continued to untangle the cables. "I was part of the team, it's an issue of personal pride. Now, do I have to buy you dinner first before you undress?" He flashed a cocky grin at Bucky. 

Bucky didn't know why taking off his shirt was so difficult for him right now, Tony had certainly seen the pictures in his files, and he had done it with the other doctor two days ago, but that one had been cold to him, almost sterile, and with the remnants of an almost break down at the back of his mind Bucky didn't feel comfortable exposing his scars. 

The flirting didn't help. 

While Bucky was still trying to get the courage to pull off his shirt he heard Tony roll around the room again and then he suddenly had a blanket in his lap. One of those white emergency blankets that the clinic kept in the cupboards and nobody had ever touched before.

"You can cover up after I applied the electrodes, no need for you to be uncomfortable. And I'm not judging, I can assure you that."

Bucky nodded. He swallowed, then shrugged out of the hoodie he was wearing. He needed another second before he pulled off his shirt. The cold air on his shoulder was uncomfortable, the scar tissue was still sensitive there, still red and irritated even after all these months. He knew it would take time till he would be completely healed, his stump at least, not like he was going to grow a new arm. 

"Can you lie a bit on your side?" Tony was adjusting the backseat of the chair and put it up a bit. "I need to get to your backside for a moment, then you can lie on your back."

Bucky did as he was told. 

"I guess you know how these work, so just relax." 

"You say it like it's easy." Bucky huffed. He involuntarily twitched when Tony touched him. The skin on his fingertips felt rough on Bucky's sensitive skin, but Tony worked quickly and efficiently, not touching him more than was necessary. Unlike the other doctor who had been fumbling with the electrodes forever before he had glued them to Bucky's stump. With soft pressure on his shoulder, Tony guided him onto his back and then applied the electrodes to his chest and side. 

"Okay, that's it. You can cover up." Tony turned back to the machine and started pressing buttons on the screen, Bucky unfolded the blanket and threw it over himself, it made him feel a little better about the situation. Not as exposed as the last time and also not freezing from the AC. Now he just had to wait... and hope, still he was extremely tense. 

"Are you okay over there?" Tony suddenly asked and Bucky gave him a questionable look. "I feel like you're having a moment. You're breathing pretty hard." 

"I'm fine." Bucky pressed. "Just...nervous. Already gave up on this whole thing and then you waltz in and turn everything upside down." 

"Yeah, that's what I do." He smirked then turned back to the device and fiddled with it, Bucky knew he was running certain programs to measure nerve activity or whatever. Last time most of the appointment had been taken up by the very lengthy explanation of the whole procedure, the measuring itself had only taken a few minutes. When he heard Tony sigh he knew it was already over. He prepared himself for walking out of the door like the other day, feeling utterly broken. 

"Initial readings are really crappy, I can see how Dr. Richards thought you couldn't be worked with," Tony mumbled. 

That was that. Bucky sat up, letting the blanket fall onto his lap. He reached for his shirt and started on untangling it. 

"Woah there, what are you doing?" 

"Getting dressed again. I'm guessing we're done here..."

"You're guessing wrong, hotshot."

Bucky looked at Tony like he had just grown a second head. "But the results are crap."

"The initial results are crap, but I'm not done yet. Get comfortable, put on some music, this is going to take a while." With that, Tony turned back to the device and left Bucky sitting with his mouth hanging open. After Tony didn't say anything else and just continued with his work Bucky laid back down, eventually, he also pulled out his phone and started to listen to some music. 

James (7:48 pm)  
"That took FOREVER!"  
"I'm pretty sure Tony is a mad scientist"

Nat (7:49 pm)  
"What happened? Have you been in the hospital until now?"

James (7:50 pm)  
"Got out like half an hour ago dude wouldn't let me go"  
"There was an actual fire in the device he kept poking around in it"  
"Thought the guy wanted to electrocute me more than once!"  
"The noises it made!!!"  
James (7:51 pm)  
"He wants me to come back tomorrow"  
"There were zero results today"  
"nothing"  
"my nerves are fucked and still he wants me to come in"  
"Can't believe this guy"

Nat (7:53 pm)  
"He sounds determined..."

James (7:54 pm)  
"He sounds crazy! Insisted I call him Tony and he kept flirting with me!"  
"Should tell you how insane he really is"

Nat (7:55 pm)  
"James, you're not as bad as you think you are"  
"A doctor flirting with his patient is a bit ...weird though"

James (7:56 pm)  
"yeah... don't know what to think about him"  
"taking a book tomorrow"  
"and some food"

Nat (7:57 pm)  
"Good idea"

James (11:43 pm)  
"He's cute though *winky smiley*"

Nat (11:44 pm)  
"ffs! James!"


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Bucky found himself in the same room in the hospital again. He didn't have much hope concerning the test results today and he still had an inkling that this was all a joke because Tony was already late. Not exactly a promising sign, nevertheless he made himself comfortable on the chair, as comfortable as possible at least, and put on his music.

Bucky was already halfway through the current playlist when suddenly the door burst open and Tony wheeled in a contraption. 

'Contraption' was really a too nice of a word for the thing that Tony had created, Bucky hoped he had created it, otherwise, it might have spawned directly from an alien dimension. It looked nothing like the sleek white machine with the STARK logo on the front from yesterday. (It hadn't really looked like that anymore when Tony had been done with it at the end of the day.)

"How's my favorite guinea pig doing today?" Tony greeted him while already going to town on the cables and electrodes. Despite his cheery demeanor, he looked exhausted and extremely disheveled with stains all over his shirt, which looked suspiciously like yesterday's shirt.

"The guinea pig is extremely scared about what you are going to do to him with that monstrosity." 

Tony laughed wholeheartedly and it was an addicting sound, something Bucky wanted to hear more of.

"Nothing that I didn't already do yesterday, this is the new and improved neuromuscular nav-channel analyzer, I call him NEWMAN, doesn't quite fit with the acronym yet, I'm working on it. He's going to get us the results we need today. Aren't you, Newman? You're going to be a good boy."

Strangely enough, the machine started beeping as if answering Tony, Bucky was even more scared now. The machine was clearly sentient. He was still staring at it with wide eyes when he pulled off his shirt and Tony started applying the electrodes.

It took all of 30 seconds after Tony fired up the machine before it started beeping again. "There we go!" Tony fist-pumped, grinning from ear to ear, he was still fiddling with the buttons.

"What does that mean?" Bucky asked, a little bit concerned that he might get electrocuted any second now. 

"That, my friend, is the sound of your nerves doing a little happy dance, a very tiny happy dance, a hardly noticeable dance, but it's there." Tony swiveled around in his chair, rubbing his hands together. "Technically it's an auditory output of the minuscule amount of voltage being detected in the sodium channel of your neurons, but let's go with happy dance." 

Bucky blinked at him slowly, he hardly understood a word but what he had gathered from that torrent of technical expressions was that there were results.

"Are you saying what I think you are saying?"

"We have results, Mr. Barnes!" 

Bucky almost broke down then and there, it had come so unexpectedly, he couldn't believe it. Tony had done it, he had really done it like he said he would. This man was amazing. 

"If I wasn't hooked up to this devil's machine you've created here, I would hug you, I don't care if that would violate doctor-patient relationship ethics."

Tony chuckled. "You can hug me when I get you a second arm. This is just the beginning, you'll need a whole different system for a prosthesis than the other participants, it's going to take a while. I basically need to condense this whole thing -" He gestured to the monstrosity. "- into something that you can comfortably wear. Preferably something arm-shaped." 

"You alone?" Bucky was still grinning, he was over the moon right now, he had never expected to get any results. He had hoped, Tony's enthusiasm was contagious, but he had never really believed.

"The R&D department, I mean, it's a team effort."

\----

James (10:37 am)  
"The bastard did it."  
"He fucking did it."

James (10:39 am)  
"He says it's still going to take several weeks until they have a prototype ready, but daaaaaamn!"  
"Can't stop grinning!"

Nat (10:40 am)  
"I'm so happy for you, дорогой!"

\----

The next couple of weeks Bucky was at the clinic almost every day, from morning until late into the night. It was fun working with Tony, they quipped and bantered almost non-stop. Often while the tests were running they had time to discuss topics other than the prosthesis work. They discovered they were both fans of various science fiction and would get stuck in a Star Wars vs Star Trek debate only to be interrupted by the machine that had finished calculating. 

But the work was also very taxing on Bucky. Often times he didn't bring enough food to last him through the day and he went hungry for long periods of time until Tony finally let him out. He never dared to say anything, he didn't want to interrupt the tests. It was extremely exhausting not only physically but also for Bucky's fragile mental state and on a particularly bad day he was close to canceling. 

In the end, he didn't call. Tony was working so hard to give him a prosthesis that would work with his fucked up nerves. Bucky didn't want to jeopardize that and so he dragged himself to the appointment.

Of course, that day had to be one of the longest so far. He was at his breaking point and unable to concentrate anymore. Tony was asking him to move his left arm and he just couldn't do it anymore. Occasionally reaching for something with his missing arm when he was blissfully unaware of his disability for a moment was one thing but moving his missing arm on purpose was another and on a bad day, it was horror. 

Tony was putting a constant stream of words forward that Bucky had long ceased to understand. The air in the room was stifling and he hadn't eaten anything in hours. He was falling into a breakdown. Fast. His head was already spinning.

Bucky's savior came in form of a fierce woman bursting through the door and stalking right up to Tony. With her tight pony-tail and pressed suit she looked like she came straight out of a business meeting and was out of place in the hospital.

"You're still at it, Tony? It's been 13 hours, almost 14. I told you 8 is the maximum with breaks, that was the condition that I let you do this. Release this poor man." She sounded so angry Bucky ducked away from her even though the words weren't directed at him. If looks could kill Tony would have been dead three times over already. He shied away from the woman, avoiding her eyes and glancing at his tablet. 

"I forgot the time." 

"And the 15 messages from me that I know you saw. Did you even think about him once?"

Tony visibly flinched.

"Look at him!" 

Bucky, at this point, didn't care, he was exhausted beyond belief, even if they let him out now there was no way he would make it home on his own. He must have looked as bad as he felt because Tony's face drained all color when he looked up, he stumbled to his feet and started to remove the electrodes on Bucky's shoulder. 

"Fuck, Bucky, I got completely lost in the tests. I almost have everything now." 

"Mr. Barnes." The woman turned to Bucky and her anger was gone in an instance instead her eyes were full of kindness and she smiled sympathetically. "My driver will escort you home tonight and ensure you are properly fed. There will be no appointment tomorrow or the day after. We from STARK Industry care deeply for the participants in our programs and I apologize on behalf of all involved that the duration for a test session has been stretched beyond all regulations. It will not happen again. I am sure Tony will agree." 

"Yes, of course." Tony was quick to say while he handed Bucky his clothes, he didn't meet Bucky's eyes.

Bucky didn't feel much of anything as he was guided out of the hospital and into an expensive car, except numb. He was too exhausted to think about anything and barely registered when the car stopped at some point and a pizza box appeared next to him then continued to his place. The driver, a middle-aged man in a suit made sure he arrived at his apartment and put the pizza box onto his table before excusing himself.

The whole situation was surreal and Bucky couldn't wrap his head around anything that had just happened, he wouldn't have believed that he was just driven home by what must have been some CEO-level business woman's driver if it wasn't for the pizza he was shoveling into his mouth. 

He couldn't remember actually getting up and walking to bed when he woke up sometime in the afternoon of the next day.

\------

Nat (11:43 am)  
<5 unread messages>

James (5:12 pm)  
"m fine"

\-----

 

Bucky didn't blame Tony. Not in the least. He blamed himself for not being able to keep up with the genius doctor who only wanted his best. Doubts were circling his mind when he went back to the hospital after two days of rest. Rest he desperately had needed but wouldn't admit to it. What if his inability to keep up with the tests made him inadmissible to the program? He half expected to be escorted out of the clinic as soon as he set a foot into it but the lady at the reception greeted him with a friendly smile as always and nobody looked at him twice when he took the elevator up to his usual room.

Tony was already in the room to Bucky's surprise. He was working on the machine again and had several tablets scattered around him. Pen in mouth, he mumbled to himself and didn't notice when Bucky walked in.

"Am I late?" 

Tony twirled around and his whole face lit up. "Bucky! No, not late at all. I was here early, got everything ready for the last round of tests." He gestured to the familiar mess around him. "Good to see you." 

So Tony wasn't mad at him, yet Bucky still felt the need to apologize. He sat down and pulled off his shirt, something that came to him quite easily now. "I'm sorry." 

"You what?" Tony didn't look up from placing the electrodes onto Bucky's shoulder. 

"For the other day. For not being able to keep up. You work so hard on this and all I do is sit here and do nothing and yet I couldn't even do that properly." 

"Hold on....you're really apologizing to me?" Tony looked flabbergasted, a look that wasn't quite at home on his face.

Bucky blinked, thinking he misheard, then frowned. "Yes. I'm sorry."

"Listen, Buckeroo, if anybody has to apologize, it's me." Tony reached for Bucky's hand and clasped it between his own. "I fucked up, Pepper was right, I got so engrossed into my work I forgot there was a human being at the end of these electrodes. A very nice human being, that I like a lot. I should have never put you through so many tests, there was no need to rush how I did. I'm sorry." 

Bucky stared at their combined hands. Buckeroo...

When Bucky didn't say anything Tony let go of his hand and turned back to the machine. "I can understand if you only came back because you want the prosthesis and don't want to put up with me. I promise I am going to be nothing but professional. We're going to have a break at noon, there's going to be food -" 

Bucky snatched Tony's hands back, one of them at least, and stopped Tony from rambling. "I thought I was going to be thrown out of the program." 

"What?" Tony's eyes went wide. "No. No no no no no. Never. I promise! What made you think that?" With his other hand, Tony lifted Bucky's chin up to look him in the eyes and at first Bucky wanted to avoid looking into those deep brown eyes. He feared he would get lost in them if he looked too long and suddenly his biggest fear was not being able to see these eyes anymore, the eyes that crinkled so lovely when Tony smiled. And that smile...

"Bucky?" Tony's worried brought Bucky out of his thoughts and he avoided his eyes again.

"I couldn't do the tests, what if the results are false because I was so out of it?" 

Tony laughed softly, not malicious but relieved. "Tests can be repeated and to be honest myself, we have to repeat some of them. But don't you dare blame yourself for that." He added when Bucky hunched in on himself. 

"We're going to do this together, alright?" Tony properly clasped their hands together and squeezed lightly before letting go and turning to the machine, the moment finally ending. Bucky immediately missed the contact and the warmth, he started to shiver slightly when the cold breeze of the AC flowed over him, making him acutely aware that he was shirtless. 

Tony looked back at him after powering up the machine, the familiar smirk spreading over his face. "Besides, you still owe me that hug."


	3. Chapter 3

"Don't try to concentrate on this thing, try to concentrate on your own arm."

Bucky groaned. The 'thing' Tony was talking about was a makeshift robotic hand propped up in front of Bucky. It was a simplistic model, reminding Bucky of the wooden articulated hand Steve once had for drawing references that was probably long lost to the ether. Except this hand had all kinds of cables connecting it to the machine and looked like it came straight out of a science fiction movie that Tony had 'just thrown together' last night. 

The task was to move any digit on the hand. Simple really. 

"What do you think I am doing?" 

"Not that, because then it would be working, you're thinking too complicated and if you keep staring at it like you can move it via the Force it's never going to work."

Bucky gave up and leaned back in the chair, it's been over half an hour and he hadn't been able to move the thing, not a single millimeter. If it wasn't for Tony's constant reassurance Bucky would have despaired a long time ago. 

"How about we take a break, order some Thai and we'll try it later again? Come on, I'll disconnect you." Tony rolled over with his chair and put a comforting hand on Bucky's thigh. 

"No. Let me try again, please, Tony. I can do it."

"I know you can, Buckeroo, but you don't have to do it on the first try. Don't overexert yourself." 

"Please let me do this, Tony. I need to do it. You've done all the work so far, let me get my part right." Bucky looked at Tony imploringly. "Please."

Tony gave Bucky's thigh a light squeeze and nodded. "Alright, but we have to do a break at some point or Pepper is going to have my ass."

"Wouldn't want anything to happen to that piece of art, would we?" Bucky pointed out, being dead serious.

"Have you been checking out my behind, Mr. Barnes? I am shocked!" Tony gasped overly fake and put a hand over his heart. 

Bucky shrugged then grinned mischievously. "I'd like to do more than just checking out if you know what I mean." He made a grabbing motion with his hand and wiggled his fingers suggestively and a sudden noise made them both perk up. "What was that?" Bucky asked. It had sounded mechanical.

Tony scooted over to the mechanical hand on the table, suddenly excited. "Do it again." He gestured at Bucky to hurry up.

"What? You don't think that thing just moved, do you? I didn't even think about it." 

Tony rolled his eyes. "Just do it, exactly what you just did." He grabbed the table with both hands and stared at the hand like he was the one trying to move it with just his thoughts.

Bucky opened and closed his right hand a couple of times and nothing happened. 

"No, not like that. Exactly what you just did, no thinking, just doing."

Bucky wanted to protest again but seeing Tony's serious face made him relent, he had wanted to try again after all. He closed his eyes.

No thinking. He blended out the hand on the table and thought back to the moment when he had been teasing Tony. Just a spontaneous movement.

"Don't think, Buckeroo." Tony's voice smoothed away the last doubts in Bucky's mind.

No thinking...

Bucky lifted his right hand and -

The mechanical hand on the table whirred to life at the same time as he closed his right hand. Bucky's eyes shot open and the first thing he saw was Tony's bright and winning smile as he presented a half-closed hand on the table. 

"You did it, Sunshine! You did it!" 

"I did it! Oh my god... It worked!" 

Bucky fought back tears. He couldn't believe it. All the hard work over the last months had finally paid off, he had done it. He wasn't a failure. He had done it, he would get a prosthesis with Tony's help. He would get back his left arm. The realization hit him hard and he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He buried his face in his hand and sobbed with joy. 

He had done it!

Tony walked over and stroked his back in comfort. Bucky grabbed for something to hold onto, getting a hold of Tony's shirt after a few tries and buried his face against Tony's chest. 

"Thank you, Tony, thank you!" 

Tony wrapped his arms around Bucky and held him. "That was all you, Bucky, you alone."

They stayed like that for several minutes until Bucky was able to control his tears and looked up again, a big smile on his face.

Tony ruffled his hair. "I can't believe lewd thoughts about my butt made you finally do it."

Bucky's cheeks flushed deep red and he buried his face in his hand. "Oh god, don't put that in my file or anything. I swear I was just joking."

Tony winked. "No worries, your secret is safe with me." 

They ordered in after that and used the waiting time for some practice. After the initial breakthrough, it was easy for Bucky to recall the sensations for moving the metal hand and it came to him easier and easier. After only five minutes he could open and close the hand without much problem, albeit still somewhat jerky, though Tony assured him that would go away with time and with an upgraded hand. The basic model didn't have as many options for moving it and in the coming weeks they would move on to more advanced models with finer motor control and a bigger range of movements until finally, Bucky would be able to move the whole arm without a problem.

The next couple of days Bucky continued to practice with the hand while Tony made adjustments to it. He continued to configure the apparatus that was translating Bucky's nerve signals to the hand until he was satisfied with Bucky's abilities to control it. Their progress was eventually halted when the basic hand was just not good enough anymore and Tony needed a few days to build a new model. They advanced slowly as Tony didn't want to overtax Bucky or his nerves with too much stimulus at once. Bucky was the first to test out the technology and he had no gauge on how fast the severed nerves would recuperate and heal with this method.

Bucky savored every minute he could practice with the model of the arm and be with Tony. Tony's flirting game was as strong as ever, stronger maybe now that Bucky's confidence grew with each week of progress and he finally reciprocated the advances. Bucky opened up more and more and they laughed, bantered, flirted every day. Tony even went so far to send him pictures of the new arm during the days they didn't meet up. 

\-----

James (6:18 pm)  
"I think I'm in love."

Nat (6:19 pm)  
"You only realize that now?"

James (6:19 pm)  
"...."  
"I'm going to ask him out"  
"After this is done"

Nat (6:20 pm)  
"Why not ask him right now?"

James (6:21 pm)  
"I'm technically still his patient"  
"Would be weird"

\-------

Bucky knew the end of the program was nearing when one day during a normal practice session - he was doing bicep curls with the propped up arm on the table - a young black woman came into their room and Tony introduced her as one of the top prothesis technicians who was going to model the shoulder socket for his arm. She took rigorous measurements of his upper torso and finally made a mold of his shoulder with a white gooey substance that she then covered in plaster strips for stabilization.

After she left again Tony turned to him with a grin. "Guess it's time to schedule the surgery." 

"Surgery?" Bucky's eyes went wide, there had never been any talk about surgery, he hadn't agreed to that. Flashes of hospital lights flying overhead crowded his vision, doctors yelling and his own screams filled his ears and he suddenly doubled over, pain shooting through his left side. Tony's hands were on him in an instant and held him up. 

"Breath, Bucky, come on buddy, breath!" Tony's voice broke through the noise in Bucky's ears and he gasped for air. His breathing was ragged as his eyes started to focus again and Tony's concerned face came into view. 

"Flashback?" Tony asked softly, not letting go of him. 

Bucky nodded jerkily. "No surgery. I can't..."

"I should have specified. It's nothing that you have to go under for." Tony explained. "It's local anesthetic, we can do it right here, no operation theater." 

That made Bucky glance up, he might be able to deal with that. Tony continued when Bucky nodded to affirm him that it wouldn't trigger him further. 

"It's to install implants just under your skin, it's a few small cuts on your shoulder, not worse than getting a piercing. Maybe even less so, since the area will be numbed."

"What are the implants for?" 

Tony smiled. "They're basically these things." He poked one of the electrodes glued to Bucky's shoulder. "Except you won't have to worry about gluing them on every time you want to use your prosthesis."

Bucky nodded, he had gotten his breathing under control again and sat back up in the chair. Tony pulled back when he didn't need the support anymore and Bucky instantly wished he hadn't done that. "Are you going to do it?"

Tony shook his head. "No, but I'll be there with you if you want me too."

A week later when the technician had finished the socket and the final position of the implants was determined, Tony sat with Bucky and held his hand. The doctor who had first examined Bucky months ago was doing the procedure and Bucky wondered why Tony wasn't doing it. It would have put him more at ease, but with Tony at his side, he was mostly calm while the doctor was working on his shoulder. 

The implants were small flat discs not bigger than a penny and the whole procedure didn't take longer than half an hour, the doctor prescribed him some painkillers for when the numbing wore off and then it was over. Bucky had to take a two-week break until he was fully healed, which put him in a foul mood for most of it. The only good thing that came from being forced to sit idly was that Tony would be able to finish his prosthesis and the next time he came in he would be practicing with the arm actually attached to him instead of it sitting on a table. It always made Bucky feel like his arm was somehow 2 meters long when he watched it move on the table, even if he couldn't feel it. It would make everything worth it and Bucky couldn't wait to properly ask Tony out.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, how is my favorite patient doing today? Long time no see, how have you been holding up?" Tony greeted him with his typical grin when Bucky came into the room and as much as Bucky liked looking at Tony his gaze was drawn to the table next to him where something distinguishedly arm-shaped was covered with a cloth.

"I couldn't wait to get back here. I was so antsy I kept texting my friend until she only responded with the pistol emoji and then I got scared and stopped."

"She's that scary?" 

"Oh, you have no idea." Bucky flopped down in the chair and pulled off his sweater and shirt. It still surprised him after all the months now how easy it was to undress in front of Tony. No judging and no funny looks from the very beginning had certainly helped. 

"Wow, someone is eager." Tony rolled his chair closer, wriggling his eyebrows and grinning. He pushed the table with the arm next to Bucky. "You ready for the big reveal? I think you are going to love this beauty. Do you want to do the honors?"

"Do I? Do I? What kind of question is that?" Bucky was almost vibrating from excitement, his hand was shaking when he reached for the cloth. He looked up to Tony's smiling face before he took it and pulled it off his new arm. 

It was beautiful. Simply beautiful, Bucky had been prepared for a lot of things, mainly because he had seen how prothetic arms looked in the brochures for the program, but this was something else. It was sleek in design with contours of muscles, the seams of the plates were almost invisible they fitted so smoothly together. There were no cables visible, the plating was light silver with a polished finished, it covered everything from the shoulder to the fingertips.

"Wow..." Bucky breathed, his eyes wide. 

"What do you think? The casing is made from a light metal alloy, I specifically created for the prosthesis, it's very durable but also slightly flexible, so if you bang your elbow somewhere you're not going to get a dent immediately." Tony trailed his fingers over the length of the arm until he reached the shoulder part with the socket, he turned it over so Bucky could get a good look. "The socket is lined with memory form, you know the stuff they put in fancy sneakers nowadays, it will contour to your shoulder perfectly after you've worn it a couple of times and will prevent that you get pressure spots or sores when you use it for a long time. And you probably will, realistically you would only need to take it off to sleep or for showers, although it is mostly waterproof, I don't recommend going swimming with it. Maybe with the next version, we'll see, or maybe I'll make one just for swimming. Do you even go swimming?" 

Bucky was staring at Tony with his mouth hanging open.

"Anyway, do you want to try it on? Oh right, I got the charging station over here." Tony got up and went to the cupboard to pick up simple metal contraption. It was a metal plate with two stands attached to it, one taller than the other with a padded metal ring at the end. Bucky figured the lower one was for the forearm to rest on and the taller one was for the upper arm. There was also a standard cord attached to it and a small display at the front. Tony brought it over, picked up the prosthetic arm and placed it into the stand like Bucky had guessed, that put the socket right at shoulder height. 

"The stand is adjustable depending on where you put it so you can easily slip the arm on and at the end of the day you put the forearm here and gently press and when you put the upper arm into the correct position it will automatically engage and hold it." 

"What about straps?" There weren't any on the arm and Bucky wondered how the prosthesis was actually supposed to stay on.

On Tony's face bloomed a giant smirk. "Try it."

Bucky was a little skeptical but he scooted closer to the arm and slowly pushed his shoulder into the socket, this was the first time and he held his breath until his skin touched the padding. It felt incredibly soft on the sensitive scar tissue of his shoulder and was surprisingly warm, or at least not as cold as Bucky had expected. The socket fitted perfectly like expected and capped his shoulder comfortably.

"And now?" Bucky wasn't sure how to proceed. Tony had said something about pressing down on the lower stand with the forearm but the arm wasn't even strapped to him yet.

"The implants should have connected with the electrodes in the arm now and you can start by moving the hand and then wait what happens." Tony was grinning at him, he had clasped his hands together and was rocking on the balls of his feet like an excited child waiting for a toy. "Come on, try it."

After two weeks Bucky wasn't sure if he was going to get it to work right away but he tried to recall the feeling of what it felt like to move his left arm. He tried making a fist and the prosthesis sprung to life following his instructions, but not only did the hand react, he suddenly felt something move around his shoulder and without a warning a strap came out in the front and snaked across his chest. He felt the same thing happening across his back and Bucky gasped. He automatically lifted his right arm and saw the two straps meet under his armpit and fit almost seamlessly together. Without thinking, he lifted the prosthesis of the stand and suddenly felt its weight pulling on his shoulder, but it was held firmly by the strap across his chest.

In awe, he opened both hands simultaneously and laughed. "This is... awesome! Holy shit!" Bucky couldn't believe it. He could move both arms! He touched his hands together feeling the smooth metal of his left hand with his right, he trailed his fingers up the forearm, over his elbow, and up the artificial bicep. He could not keep his mouth from gaping open the whole time.

"I... I can't believe it."

"You better believe it, this is yours now."

Bucky couldn't stop moving the arm around, bending and turning it this and that way, testing every angle, wriggling his fingers. Everything worked perfectly. It really felt like he had an arm again, even though he had so sensation in it, he was aware of it in a spacial sense and that was truly overwhelming. The only thing he found he couldn't do, was lifting the arm higher than his head.

"That's as far as it will go, unfortunately. It's not the prosthesis but your shoulder that's the limiter here. I hope you didn't want to go rock-climbing or something." Tony said in answer to the other's fruitless attempts at getting the arm a little bit higher.

Bucky dropped the arm again and shook his head, smiling gratefully. "Don't worry. Not that big on heights and this is already more than I ever dreamed of. Thank you, Tony, this is more than I deserve."

Tony sat down again and took both of Bucky's hands into his "No, this is exactly what you deserve and you can thank me by letting me do some final tests. You can't take it home today unfortunately and you have to come in a few more times for testing."

Bucky nodded. "Of course, whatever you need."

They started with Tony showing Bucky how to take off the arm with or without the stand and then continued with motion tests, Tony measured Bucky's reaction time with the arm and various other tests where Tony connected cables to the arm again. Bucky's highlight was when they ordered food for their lunch break and for the first time in years he was able to use both a knife and a fork again to eat his food.

With a heavy heart Bucky took off the arm at the end of the day and left the clinic, he could barely sleep that night, too excited to go back the next day. All in all, it took four days for Tony to clear Bucky with the tests and get the paperwork in order. The prosthesis would technically still be the property of Stark Industry but Bucky had unlimited access to it. The stand had already been sent to him and he had set it up on his bedroom dresser. He couldn't wait to take the arm home and put it on there the first time.

With very little sleep but a big grin on his face, Bucky walked into the clinic to his last official appointment. He couldn't tell if he was more excited to finally take the arm home or finally be able to ask Tony out. He was barely able to hold himself back the last days, with the arm actually attached to Bucky Tony had been a lot closer to him than previously. It was all professional touches of course, but the occasional wink from Tony when their thighs touched more or less accidentally. Bucky was sure Tony was interested. There was just their professional relationship standing between them and today that would end.

Bucky was nervous, he still wasn't sure what to say to Tony, but he felt he had the confidence to do it and with that attitude he stepped into their room, a smile on his face fully expecting Tony to already be there and wait for him.

Except any greeting and friendly quip got stuck in Bucky's throat when instead of Tony he saw his very first doctor from so long ago sitting on Tony's chair.

"Hello?" Bucky asked.

The doctor got up and they shook hands. "I believe we've met, I'm Doctor Richards. It's good to see you, Mr. Barnes. I'm here to finalize the process. It's only going to take a minute and then you can take your prosthesis home. I'm sure you're excited."

Bucky blinked confusedly. "Where's Tony?"

"Tony? I don't know who you mean." Doctor Richards frowned, confused.

"My doctor. Tony." Bucky realized with a sinking feeling in his stomach that he didn't even know Tony's last name. "The one who did all the tests."

"I'm sorry, I don't follow, I don't know anyone called Tony. In any case, you don't need to worry, you don't need his approval to take the arm home, all the paperwork has been cleared. Do you need help putting it on?"

Bucky was feeling numb. He had no idea why Tony wouldn't be here for their final appointment, why would he send this stranger? He had thought that this was as important to Tony as it was to Bucky.

Slowly Bucky sat down and pulled off his shirt, he shivered when the cold air hit his bare skin. This felt so wrong. He went through the motions when the doctor held up the arm and positioned it on Bucky's shoulder but he felt no excitement anymore. Tony should be the one doing it, Tony would have certainly had a quick flirt on his lips and they would have laughed together and then Bucky would have finally hugged Tony and then.. then Bucky would have asked him.

"All done. Congratulations, Mr. Barnes, you know you have to come in every two months for checkups?"

Bucky nodded and almost like he was in a trance pulled his shirt back on and got up. He shook the doctor's hand and then left the room.

He wandered the hallways in hopes of running into Tony. He checked the names on the offices, but there was none with a name that could be shortened to Tony. He asked the doctors he passed where Tony was, but after the third one looking at him confused he was certain that there was no Tony working at the hospital. This should have been the happiest day of his life but instead of focusing on his new arm his thoughts all circled around why Tony hadn't shown up and why nobody knew him?

Of course, the most obvious answer would be that he simply had been busy or maybe he fell ill, but Tony would have said something, contacted him to postpone maybe. Bucky couldn't understand why Tony was nowhere to be found.

His last option was the receptionist at the entrance, surely she would know where Tony was.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Barnes, I don't know anyone going by Tony at the hospital." The young woman said, regarding him with pity.

Bucky leaned on the counter with both hands. "Then who have I been meeting with the last months?"

"I don't know, Mr. Barnes. The hospital has some external doctors coming in from time to time. I'm sorry."

Bucky nodded and turned away. He didn't understand anything anymore.

Tony was just ...gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets worse before it gets better.

[Three weeks later]

James (2:12 pm)  
"I got this thing in the mail today."  
[picture of a fancy invitation with the STARK logo on it]  
"Can you come with me?"  
(2:15 pm)  
"I don't want to go alone."  
"Not sure if I even want to go, but I'm pretty sure I'm required."  
"There was something in the contract, probably want a vet to show off their tech with."

Nat (2:15 pm)  
"I'll go with you. You think he'll be there?"

James (2:22 pm)  
"I don't know what to think anymore..."  
"If it weren't for the arm I'd think I imagined the whole thing."  
\----

A week later Bucky was dressed in his best and only suit waiting in front of the venue where the big gala was being held.  
he had thought about wearing his dress uniform that had been gathering dust in a box but had decided against it. He didn't want to draw any more attention than necessary. Stark Industries was celebrating their breakthrough in prosthesis technology and pretty much all of New York's high society was invited.

Bucky felt out of place among all the rich people and he wished Natasha would hurry up and get there, at least then he wouldn't be standing around feeling like an awkward potato, she knew how to handle herself at these events. He couldn't shake the feeling that he stuck out like a sore thumb and he everybody was looking at him. He pointedly kept staring at his phone while people were chit-chatting around him, introducing themselves and exchanging the latest gossip. Apparently, the Stark CEO was coming as well, Bucky couldn't care less.

Finally, after an eternity, Natasha appeared next to him out of nowhere and Bucky had to keep from jumping. She was wearing an ankle-length black dress with red accents and had her hair in a delicate up-do.

"Did you find him?" She hooked her arm into his and steered Bucky towards the entrance.

"I didn't look...I don't think he would want me to talk to him."

"Oh James. I think we should look, I want to see this man who has captured your heart." Natasha smirked.

"He hasn't captured my heart, I wanted to ask him out, that's all." Bucky huffed. It's not like he had been moping for three weeks straight, he didn't know what Natasha was getting at.

Inside there were even more people, all standing in small groups, talking and drinking, eating hors-d'oeuvres from the plates the butlers passed around. At the far end of the venue, a stage was decorated with the Stark Industries logo. Bucky spotted Doctor Richards talking to a woman with an artificial leg that was clearly visible under her short dress. Now that he was looking for it he saw more and more people with artificial limbs, all participants of the program. They were all talking to their doctors he realized and the pit in his stomach just grew threefold. He followed where Natasha was leading him, trusting her to know what she was doing. She pulled him towards the stage, pushing past groups of people and somehow managing to get two full glasses of champagne in the process.

Bucky pushed his left hand deeper into his pocket and Natasha pushed the champagne flute into his other. She had positioned them near a large greek column that gave them a little bit of cover from the rest of the room and the door that led to the restrooms wasn't too far away. Bucky was grateful for it. It had been a while since he had a panic attack but this was a new environment and he never knew what would trigger him.

Conveniently they also had a good view of the stage and Natasha was eyeing the other guests in her calm and unsuspicious way that gave Bucky the chills but also made him feel safe. He allowed himself to relax, maybe the evening wouldn't be so bad. There would be a presentation about the new technology and maybe he could learn a thing or two about his arm. He found himself missing Tony's techno-babble, he had always explained it in a way that Bucky understood even the more complex things.

Bucky sighed sipped on his champagne. He had to stop thinking about Tony.

Luckily the lights started to dim after a few minutes and the buzzing around him died down. The spotlights turned on and focused on the stage. Bucky stood up a little straighter and started to pay attention, Natasha came closer again, standing next to him.

"Excited? You think they'll mention you?" She whispered in his ear.

Bucky shrugged. "Why would they, I'm just one of many."

"Didn't sound like that to me when you first started the program. Didn't Tony say you were the case that advanced the technology beyond what they thought possible?"

"Could you please stop mentioning him? I haven't seen him around and he's not going to show up, he doesn't care about me. I probably was just a case to him." Bucky hissed, it hurt to admit it, but over the past weeks, he had thought about that possibility. Maybe he had just imagined the connection they seemed to have, the flirting, the touches. Maybe it was some weird psychological syndrome that made him think that Tony was the best guy on earth because he helped Bucky with the arm. He had no idea.

On stage the moderator had already been talking for a while, explaining the vision of Stark Industry in the field of medical technology and how advances were made every day and Bucky couldn't care less. He wanted to go home, his mood had turned bitter and he regretted drinking alcohol, his head was beginning to feel fuzzy. Coming here had been a horrible idea.

"And now Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the genius behind the program, the face of Stark Industries, the one, and only TONY STARK!" The moderator barely finished before the hall erupted into deafening applause.

Bucky's head shot up and he felt like his world collapsed in an instant. There on the stage was unmistakenly Tony. His Tony. His Tony was Tony Stark. The Tony Stark of Stark Industries, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.

Tony was speaking and waving to the crowd but Bucky registered nothing. He was staring with eyes wide open and suddenly everything made sense. There was no doubt as to why Tony had been a no-show at their final appointment. He was Tony fucking Stark and Bucky had never made the connection.

It seemed that for a moment Tony caught Bucky's eye and they looked at each other. Bucky thought he saw recognition in Tony's face but then the billionaire turned his head and the moment was gone.

Bucky ran.

He was vaguely aware that Natasha caught the glass he dropped and was saying something to him but he pushed past her. He used to the path of least resistance and headed to the restrooms. The hallway was deserted, everybody was in the hall watching the famous Tony Stark give a speech and Bucky felt like he was going to be sick. Part of him knew that made no sense. The betrayal he felt, that was on him... he should have known. The signs were all there. The ride in the limousine that one time should have clued him in. 

He headed straight to the sink when he reached the restroom and splashed cold water on his face with his right hand, careful not to get the prosthesis wet. He clenched his left hand into a fist and stared at it. Even more now than before it reminded him of the seemingly good times with Tony that each felt like an icy needle stabbed into his heart. He dropped the hand to his side and leaned against the wall, he banged the back of his head against it until it hurt.

The worst feeling of all was the humiliation. That he had honestly thought that he had a chance with Tony back then. A man who was known for sleeping with everyone and everything that wasn't out of reach on the count of three. Of course, Bucky knew who Tony Stark was, he didn't live behind the moon, but the man he knew from the covers of the gossip tabloids looked and acted so differently from the man Bucky had met in the clinic, it had never occurred to him, never made the connection.

Bucky chocked back tears.

He didn't know how long he stood there just focusing on the throbbing in his head. The door opened at some point and he didn't care if someone saw him. Maybe it was Natasha looking for him or just some random guest coming in for a piss, he didn't want to open his eyes to find out.

"You still owe me that hug." A familiar voice suddenly said and Bucky's eyes flew open. There before him stood Tony. In all his glory, fancy tux, styled hair, unmistakable beard. Except this wasn't the Tony Bucky knew, this was Tony Stark, heir of Stark Industries and Bucky had no idea what he was doing looking for him.

"Hey, Bucky," Tony said casually, hands in pockets.

Bucky didn't know what to say, he just stared at Tony. It was all so obvious now. Tony Stark, playboy extraordinaire. The flirting and touching.... everything. Bucky felt like the biggest idiot for not knowing, for not noticing. That's what you get for being a fucking recluse for forever, he thought to himself. Then you don't notice you've been crushing on Tony fucking Stark until it's too late and then your heart is in pieces, good job. He just had to fall in love with the one guy who was seen with a different partner every week, who fucked around at parties and had more scandals then even the celebrity experts could count, if the tabloids had even an ounce of truth in them.

"Mr. Stark." Bucky managed to get out. He straightened himself and hoped he didn't look like he had been having a breakdown. He didn't miss the minute cringe that traveled across Tony's face at the formal address.

"How are you doing?" Tony asked.

Bucky shrugged. "The arm is working fine if that's what you are asking."

"Good... that's good." Tony looked away, almost shyly. "I was asking how you are doing though."

"Do you even care?" Bucky said and he couldn't hold back the accusing tone. He knew it was his fault for thinking he had a chance, for falling in love, rationally he knew that, but right now he was angry and Tony was right there. The source of his misery.

Tony's head shot up, his eyes wide. "Why wouldn't I?"

Bucky didn't answer, he balled his fists at his sides and looked away. This was too much, why couldn't Tony just be indifferent, why did he have to keep up the act.

"Of course I care." Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky saw Tony move closer.

Bucky looked up, glaring at Tony. "Because you're Tony Stark."

"Yes... can't deny that." Tony chuckled uneasily.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"That you're Tony Stark? That you own the fucking company? That you're flirting with everything that's got two legs- "

Tony interrupted him. "Ah, no, I also flirt with amputees."

"Yes, I know! And I almost fucking believed it." Bucky got louder now.

Tony blinked confused at him, but Bucky continued.

"I thought it was real, Tony, I thought... I thought I had a chance, but then you didn't show up for the final appointment and I was devasted. I almost asked you out! Fuck." Bucky wiped at his eyes, tears had formed against his will. "And I almost got over you, too, and then you show your face here and I finally figured it was all a fucking game for you. Like everything is." Bucky was breathing heavily and he dared to throw a glance at Tony but he wasn't able to discern his expression. He looked away again.

"Just leave me alone." Bucky wrapped his arms around him and turned away, the prosthetic arm suddenly heavy and uncomfortable.

He listened for Tony to leave but instead, he heard him come closer and felt his presence behind him, raising the hairs on his neck. Bucky anticipated the touch and dreaded it as much as he longed for it and when it finally came, a soft brushing against his shoulder, Bucky flinched away.

"Bucky..."

"No." Bucky turned and stumbled past Tony towards the door. "Leave me alone." He stormed through the door and found Natasha waiting for him with a sympathetic look on her face.

"Oh James." She opened her arms for him and Bucky gladly stepped into her embrace. He saw her face turning hard when she looked over his shoulder and knew Tony had followed him. Natasha's glare must have stopped him because when she guided him away with an arm around his waist he didn't hear Tony follow. 

They left through a side exit and Natasha hailed a cap.

Bucky felt horrible and he became hyper-aware of how the prosthesis felt against his skin, how unyielding the shoulder socket was and how the metal straps that usually felt comfortable suddenly felt sweaty and heavy.

"I need to get this thing off," Bucky mumbled when they were in the back of the cap, he held the arm far away from him trying to ease the discomfort but it felt like torture having it continuously touch his skin.

"What did he say?" Natasha asked, but Bucky shook his head.

"Nothing really. Said I still owe him a hug." Bucky snorted trying not to break down. "Like it fucking matters."

"I'm sorry, James." Natasha took his right hand into his and gave it a squeeze.

After what felt an eternity Bucky finally made it to his apartment and he couldn't strip off his clothes fast enough. He threw the suit jacket and dress shirt onto the ground and dropped the prosthesis on top of the pile not bothering to put it back on the charging station. Finally feeling some relief now that the arm was off he sat on the couch and put his head in his hand.

He felt like an idiot. Falling in love with Tony fucking Stark could only happen to him he thought. Just his luck.

Natasha's words came back to him about how he had been the special case in the program and he remembered Tony talking about it a lot. It all made sense now, why Tony had been his "doctor", he had wanted to use the opportunity of developing the technology himself with the worst case scenario. It all came down to profit and fame for Stark Industries. Bucky had just been lucky that the technology had worked in the end or he probably would have been discarded.


	6. Chapter 6

The days passed by Bucky without him noticing much of anything. He spent his days on the couch. Sometimes he had the TV on in the background but mostly he just lied there. Natasha sent him text messages regularly to check up on him.

Heartbreak, Bucky thought, would pass, eventually, but until then it felt like there was an ugly void in his chest that hurt like hell and all he could do was curl up on the couch and try to get through it. The only contact he had with the outside world was when the delivery person brought some food. So Bucky wasn't that surprised when his doorbell rang, he hadn't ordered anything that he could recall but in his current state that wasn't unusual. He rolled off the couch and onto his feet and stumbled to the door. He pressed the buzzer without thinking about it and let the person in.

While he waited at the door for the delivery person to come up he noticed he was actually hungry so food was very welcome right now. A knock on the door brought Bucky out of his thoughts for a moment. He opened the door, ready to accept whatever he had ordered in his heart-broken stupor, and then stood there, staring, because who stood in front of his door was not a person carrying delicious food but Tony Stark.

Tony Stark.

Bucky's brain stopped functioning for a moment. This wasn't the Tony Stark he had encountered at the gala the other day, no tux, no tie, no fancy anything. This was the Tony he knew, casual clothes, hair in disarray, beard styled but not meticulous, and he looked like shit.

"Hey, Bucky."

"What do you want?" Bucky choked out. He turned around and wobbled back to the couch, he became aware of the mess in his apartment and what a mess he was now that the source of all his misery had dared to show up at his place. He couldn't remember when he had last put on a clean shirt but he was at least wearing a shirt.

"The diagnostics in the charging station showed that you haven't put the prosthesis back on it in over 113 hours. Assuming you took it out of the station just before going to the gala you would have had 18 hours of charge, you were at the gala for an hour, 17 hours left, that makes it 95 hours without charge."

Bucky sat down on the couch, glad that his back was facing Tony. He breathed in slowly and breathed out even slower. So the prosthesis was what this was all about. Probably something in his contract that required him to wear or at least keep it charged. He should have expected it.

"I wanted to check up on you," Tony said and Bucky heard him step into the apartment.

"It should be somewhere under a pile of clothes over there." Bucky gestured into the general direction that he had dropped the arm in after the gala. He hadn't picked it up since then, hadn't even looked at it. He had kicked a bunch of clothes over it so he didn't have to see it and tried to forget about it.

"What?"

"The arm. You're here to take it back, I'm assuming," Bucky said, trying to keep his voice neutral. He had a good three weeks with the arm but now he didn't even want to look at it, so what good was it to him. It should have been clear that this was going to happen. "It's somewhere."

"I'm not here to take the arm away from you, Bucky," Tony said an stepped closer, close enough to appear in Bucky's peripheral vision. "I'm here to check on you. I'm worried."

"Why would you be worried?" Bucky said and finally turned to look at Tony, forcing himself to stay hard and not let his hurt show on his face. "I'm just a case. If this is not about the arm then what is it about?"

Tony looked away, he had his hands in his pocket but Bucky could see how they were twitching, longing to do their usual spiel. Tony had always talked with his hands but now he wasn't saying anything. He stood in silence and Bucky was only seconds short telling him to leave again.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to our final appointment." Tony blurted out, agitatedly he started to pace and suddenly his hands were in his hair, messing it up. "I have an excuse for that, but what I don't have an excuse for it not calling you, not telling you, I messed up. I admit that. I... I fucked up." He stopped for a moment, looking to the wall into nothingness, wringing his hands. He sighed and hung his head. "I thought you knew..."

"Knew what?" Bucky was confused. Confused by the apology, confused by Tony's subdued behavior.

Tony stuck his hands back into his pockets. "That I'm Tony Stark."

"Well, I didn't, thanks for reminding me." Bucky leaned back, crossing his arm across his chest and purposefully turning his head away.

"No, but that's the thing!" Suddenly Tony was in front of him, grinning. "You didn't."

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him, this was getting too much for him, either Tony had lost it or Bucky would lose it very soon. Coming here and apologizing was one thing but then turning around and making fun of him again, that Bucky couldn't take. "I think you should leave now."

Tony backpaddled and backed into the couch table, he flailed his arms and after a tense few second of imbalance, he planted his behind down on an empty pizza box. "I'm sorry. That sounded..," Tony cringed. "..all wrong. I swear, I didn't mean to keep it a secret. I mean, maybe at the beginning but back then I thought we would see each other maybe two, three times tops." Tony stayed where he was unphased by the literal trash he was sitting in and looked at Bucky apologetically.

"And I thought after the first appointment you would certainly know, I mean, in my defense, everybody knows who I am." He gestured to himself but then dropped his hands again and sighed. "But as time went on and I had to put in some huge favors with the board to even keep working with you, I realized that when I was with you, I could finally be myself. When we had our appointments I finally didn't feel like the fucked up celebrity everybody talks about." Tony buried his face in his hands, his shoulders suddenly shaking.

Bucky swallowed the lump that had developed in his throat.

"What are you trying to tell me, Tony?" He asked quietly. Bucky thought his feelings couldn't be more messed up than they already are but he was proven wrong. This was the Tony he knew, the Tony he fell in love with, not the media personality he kept seeing articles about.

"It was real, Bucky." Tony looked straight at him, locking eyes with him and there was no doubt in them.

It terrified Bucky.

"You're fucking with me, right?" A dry laugh escaped Bucky, it sounded like a sob. "Right?" He was searching Tony's face for any sign of deceit but found none.

"No. No!" Tony exclaimed, he reached out and let his hands hover next to Bucky's shoulders. "I swear, I'm not fucking with you. It was real. I like you. I like you a lot." He slowly touched his fingertips to Bucky's right shoulder, gently stroking down. It sent shivers down Bucky's spine. "Bucky...can we start over?"

Bucky choked. "What?"

Tony nodded. "Start over. Without this...," he gestured between them, "whatever this is between us. This misunderstanding. No secrets. I didn't do this because you were .../useful/ to the company." He said the word like it disgusted him. "I did it because I wanted to help you. That wasn't a lie, I swear. Let me show you that our friendship wasn't just an act, let me show you how much you mean to me. I enjoyed spending time with you." He grabbed Bucky's hand and took it in his own. "Bucky, what do you say?"

Bucky didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything. Tony looked so excited, so hopeful and Bucky just... didn't know. A door he had thought closed and locked and burned to the ground suddenly opened up before him again and he had no idea how to react. He looked down at their connected hands, opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"Bucky?"

Bucky swallowed through the dryness in his mouth. "Okay."

 

\----

  
James (4:56 pm)  
"Tony was here..."  
  
Nat (4:56 pm)  
*readies knives*  
  
James (4:57 pm)  
"No need for that"  
"uhm..."  
"We have a date on Saturday"  
  
Nat (4:57 pm)  
"I'll prepare the knives for the weekend then."  
*knife emoji*

 


	7. Chapter 7

Tony was nervous.

So fucking nervous.

It was Saturday, the day of their date and Tony couldn't remember when he was this nervous before. Most of all he was worried that Bucky wouldn't come.

He thought back to the day he missed their last appointment, the day when Bucky had taken the prosthesis home. Tony had been in Korea that day, it hadn't been planned. There had been an accident in one of the factories that produced micro-chips for Stark Industries and he had personally checked the situation, talked to the families of those affected, offered condolences. He had stayed there several days until everything had been resolved and safety measures had been improved.

After he had been back in the states it had been almost two full weeks after that until he had started to wonder why JARVIS hadn't told him about his next appointment with Bucky. Then everything had come crashing down on him.

He had checked the records and had seen that Bucky had received the arm from another doctor.

For a moment he was mad at Bucky for not trying to reach out to him instead but he had realized in the next moment that Bucky had no way of contacting him. Nobody in the hospital would be able to give him his number and the email address he had used to send Bucky update pictures had been a no-reply address for security reasons. Tony had berated himself for his stupidity. With a heavy heart, he had realized he had no excuse to contact him again

During their appointments, he had always been under the impression that either Bucky really hadn't known who he was or he knew and really didn't care. He had discarded the first possibility for unlikely and then thought about how to contact Bucky again. His best plan had been to wait the two months until Bucky came back for his first checkup. Sure, he could have called Bucky, but while Tony had been certain about his feelings for the other he had no idea how Bucky felt towards him.

At least that's what he had told himself and had pushed down the feeling of cowardice.

Then the gala had happened and he had completely forgotten that Bucky would have gotten an invitation. When he had spotted Bucky in the crowd the look on the other man's face had broken him. It had taken all of his experience and practice of being in the public's eye for his entire life to not let it get to him while he was on a stage in front of hundreds of people. He had pushed the panic and dread that rose inside of him to the back and finished the presentation.

The moment he had walked off the stage he knew he had fucked up. Bucky's look of betrayal had told him everything he needed to know. Tony had followed Bucky into the restroom and what had happened afterward hadn't surprised Tony. He had watched the scene unfold almost in trance in front of him. He had wanted to break the ice with a joke, maybe remind Bucky of their time together, but the other had been too emotional to listen, too angry, and Tony couldn't even blame him.

Tony had watched him leave and he had been angry too, angry at Bucky for not letting him explain but mostly he had been angry at himself for fucking up yet another budding relationship. He had holed up in his lab for days until Pepper had come and very clearly told him to either get over it or fix it, but she couldn't stand him mope around for another day. With Bucky's heartfelt confession at the back of his mind, that, yes, Bucky had been interested as well, Tony had decided to fix it.

And to his surprise, it had worked?

Who would have thought that talking about your problems actually worked?

Now he was standing in front of a small Italian restaurant waiting for Bucky to meet up with him. He was 20 minutes early and with every passing minute, he felt like Bucky wasn't going to show up. Tony was fidgeting and running his hands through his hair which was probably looking incredibly messed up, but he couldn't help himself. He was just so fucking nervous.

 

Then Bucky came around the corner, wearing the prosthetic arm, and looking absolutely gorgeous. He had donned a nice fitting leather jacket and had pulled his hair up in a bun, he apparently had shaved after Tony's visit because now he was sporting a three-day stubble. Tony shoved his hands into his pockets to keep them from twitching.

"Hey Bucky," Tony greeted him with a small smile, taking a tentative step towards the other.

He wasn't sure what to do, he wanted to reach out and touch but the image of Bucky flinching away from him in the restroom flashed before his eyes and he pulled back his hand. 

"Tony."

It took him one second to realize that Bucky wasn't stopping and in the next he was pressed against Bucky's chest, his face against his neck and his nose full of leather and the sweet scent of Bucky's body wash. Two strong arms were wrapped around his back, pulling him close. Tony's own arms fumbled for a while before they got with the game and wrapped around Bucky. All the tension that had built up in the last couple of days left his body and he melted against the other man, sighing relieved.

They stayed like this for a while, Tony was reluctant to let go first and Bucky made no move to change position either. Slowly Tony looked up to see Bucky's smiling down at him.

"Still owed you that hug, didn't I?" He answered Tony's unspoken question.

Tony hid his face against Bucky's neck again and laughed, maybe this could work out after all.


End file.
